I’m falling out of love. And I’m seeing a pattern here. Every fucking time. I meet a guy, I think he’s interesting, I fall in love, I feel sorry for myself, he shows interest, I lost interest, that’s the end. I think jealousy is so dull. It makes me really bored. The thing is, I enjoy my freedom. I like the possibility of going out, flirting around just for fun, hooking up with some guy and it ends there, so simple, so easy. The whole thing is hilarious actually. I’m so needy and desperate for love and a relationship all the time but when I have the chance to have it, I turn away from it. To be quite honest, I think I’m in love with the idea of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same. It can be really addictive and romantic, this idea, just like sadness and self-destruction.
I still cry at the same scenes of the Lord of the Rings. I swear, I will never ever get over this flawless piece of art. Not the books nor the movies. It makes me so emotional to talk about it because I know most people will never understand what is it about. Because unfortunately, most of them think it’s about battles and that’s it. They don’t know that the most important message of the trilogy is about love, friendship, loyalty, honor and self-sacrifice for a greater good.
It’s funny when you see the difference between tumblr and real world. I’m kind of trying to gain some weight so people would shut the fuck up about me being too skinny but then I come on tumblr and I see these really tiny, skinny girls and suddenly I have the urge of look like them. I realize that I am not, in any way, too skinny and I have the desire to be. But I remember that in the “real world”, that would only bring me more problems and I would be generally more upset. Oh, such mixed feelings.
This is my last text post I promise. But these days are just making me me be sure that I don’t want to go back to Brazil. I’m having so much fun, I’m feeling better and happier than I ever did in my whole life. I just don’t want to go back to my same old and miserable life.